George Lindsey, who played Goober Pyle on the Andy Griffith show, passed away earlier today. Yahoo News said this was one of his favorite jokes:
A football coach, standing there holding a football, says to his quarterback, “Son, do you think you can pass this?”
The quarterback replies, “Coach, I don’t even think I can swallow it.”
Rest in Peace, Goober.
Yesterday I finished reading Partials, by Dan Wells and recommend it highly. On the Writing Excuses podcast, Mr. Wells described the novel as a dystopian science fiction thriller. I bought the ebook edition through Barnes and Noble. My Nook says there are 336 pages. The hardcover is advertised at 480.
Dan’s prose is smooth and efficient and never gets in the story’s way. Instead, there were times when I re-read a page, not for clarity but because as an aspiring writer I wanted to pay close attention to the way he described something. Pacing is brisk but not break-neck, and I always felt like the story was moving. This is particularly important during set up scenes. Editing is excellent: I noticed one typo toward the end, though I’m not a great proof-reader and could have easily missed others.
For me, Partials‘ only weakness was that I spotted the primary plot twist way too early. This isn’t because I am particularly clever. It is because I read the spoiler on the cover. Shame on someone in HarperCollins marketing. After a quick scan of reviews on Amazon and Barnes and Noble, I feel the need to mention that this novel is marketed as Young Adult. If there is a common criticism, it is that Partials is written in an adult voice and may be too lengthy for its intended market. I disagree on the grounds that Dan’s stated goal was 90,000 words. This is roughly half the length of the longer Harry Potter novels—which, you may recall, were fairly successful. In terms of voice, I never noticed a problem. These “children” do adult jobs, face adult choices, and live in a world that has forced them to grow up too fast.
This story deals with adult themes. The main characters are medical specialists and soldiers. There is some medium cursing, drinking, violence, and off-screen sex. I am encouraging my eighth grader to read it. If you have any qualms about giving this novel to your child, you can pre-read chapter 27, which is probably the most provocative. Of course, reading the entire book will be more fun.
Having already enjoyed I am not a Serial Killer and its sequels, I encourage you to give Partials a try. Dan Wells’ website is www.fearfulsymmetry.net, where you can learn more about the author and read his musings on writing and popular culture. If you have any interest in writing, try Writing Excuses, the podcast Dan co-hosts with Mary Robinette Kowal, Brandon Sanderson, and Howard Taylor.
This is a speech I delivered in Grammar for Teachers. The subject is an anonymous high-school student who submitted 68 rather generic words after a full class period of free writing. After showing us the writing sample my professor asked, “How do I motivate this student?” The following is my attempt to answer.
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This award is for the anonymous young man with the shortest writing response. The academic world will often grade you on the length of your writing and in the process make it appear that your path to success is fluff, not substance. Do not despair. Take the long view. Eventually people will value your words for their quality, not their quantity.
Professional writers often say that if you can form a complete sentence, you can write. It is clear that you pass this standard. Word count is all but meaningless. In the long run, ideas are king and this is where you have the most room to improve.
You do not like Vancouver but do not say why, beyond a vague claim that our city is boring. Vancouver started with an idea that became goals, then a fur trading post, then a city. This progression appears in everything else. What do an xBox, your favorite music, or that pretty girl have in common? Each started with an idea.
It’s not the size of a word, it’s how you use it. And the same is true for sentences, paragraphs, and whole papers. Professional writing guides repeatedly make the point that people are busy and often will not read more than the first page of anything you give them. So be concise, be clear, but above all, be relevant.
Brevity is not just the soul of wit, it is also the path to remembrance. Abraham Lincoln used 278 words to deliver the Gettysburg Address. We still remember these few great words because they were concise, emotional, and oh so relevant. Lincoln was not the only speaker that day but you’ll need a history book to find out who else was there.
In order to duplicate this, you must master your own voice. Every writer has a million bad words in them and in order to reach the good words underneath, you must shovel the bad ones out of the way. If a little voice in the back of your mind just groaned, you’re catching on. The only way to trim the verbal fat is practice. Spew your thoughts onto the page, then cut the ones that don’t matter.
Left in the mind, an idea is useless. It sits, at best a private amusement, but its destiny is to be forgotten. An idea on the page is the beginning of power, where it can enlighten, inspire, and incite. You may have the most brilliant notion in all of earth’s history, but until you share it, it has no value.
While you are to be commended in your quest for brevity, you are not yet an expert. The true masters of this art spent time honing it. They sat around tables together, somewhat like your lunch room, drinking black broth and competing for the pithiest phrase. We remember them like this.
After conquering most of Greece, Philip II of Macedon sent a message to Sparta, saying, “If I win this war, you will be slaves forever.” The Spartan reply: “If.” This single word, remembered long after its time, encapsulates emotion, relevance, and some very tight editing.
Word count is meaningless. Ideas are king. Let them control the pen, and word count fall where it may. You can write, I can can see it. Now show us some ideas. Make your words count.
The Concision Award by Mark VanTassel is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at www.markvantassel.com.
Harry Morgan passed away the morning of December 7, 2011. He was 96. I have watched every episode of M*A*S*H multiple times and always loved seeing “Colonel Potter” in other things. We’ll miss you, Mr. Morgan.
Col. Sherman T. Potter
By Mark VanTassel
Disclaimer: I am not an attorney, nor have I consulted one while writing this article. If you have concerns about any of these issues, please contact a licensed member of the bar.
This article is not comprehensive. For more information, follow the links below—and use your favorite search engine to find more. I focus on Facebook because this is an assignment and Facebook is—at the time of this writing—the largest social media platform. I do not believe Facebook is any better or worse than their competitors. I use their service and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future.
Does using Facebook expose us to legal risks? The quick answer is ‘Yes…’ but to stop there would be shameless fear mongering. A better answer is that for the vast majority, benefits outweigh risks and, despite rumors, our biggest danger is not Facebook itself but other users.
Please allow me to clarify. In the first version of this article, the word ‘users’ confused everyone. When I say ‘user,’ I refer to any entity who holds an account. Obviously my friends and I are users. So are my insurance company, bank, school, and even local police department.
Some of you will no doubt object as business accounts differ from personal accounts in some ways. If want to learn about the distinctions, this link is a good place to start.
The details of business vs. personal accounts aren’t terribly relevant to my point because, in a connected world, it is easy for someone to hurt you accidentally—they merely need to post something that can be used against you.
Insurers like to know as much about us as they can. Rules governing the technologies they can use vary from state to state and one type of coverage to another. The only thing I can claim with certainty is, they will use every tool the law allows.
The preceding paragraph sounds paranoid, so here are a couple of facts. We all know insurers use Facebook for advertising but they also use it as a research tool in fraud investigations. For example, you see your Sunday morning tee time as a way to get out of the house. You have a great time and post some photos. Your insurer uses the pictures to prove that you lied about your back pain.
Industry watchdogs worry that our posts will become part of the formulas used to determine our policy rates. The implications are huge and unknowable. More terrifying, even if I exercise tight control over the things I post, my friends and family may accidentally raise my cost of living. That photo of me trying a stogie on our camping trip could turn into a nasty argument as my insurer claims I’m a smoker and I say otherwise.
In all fairness, this segment relies on Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt (FUD.) No one knows how this industry will evolve. Just be aware that insurance companies already use social media to help them detect fraud and may attempt to use social platforms for profiling as well. It’s a subject worth at least a little bit of your time.
Insurance companies aren’t the only people looking for ways to use your data, criminals are tech savvy too. Every piece of information we leave online may become the bread crumb that leads a crook to our door.
Do not post things on Facebook that could be used to blackmail you.
Do not post your true birth year.
Do not tell your entire friends list you will be out of town for the next two weeks.
Your boss may be having a hard time deciding who to cut in the next round of lay-offs. Your post about what an ass-hat he is might make his decision a lot easier—even if he isn’t part of your network, he might be a friend of a friend.
Security professionals recommend using search engines to find out what others can learn about you online. This will give you a chance to correct mistakes or request removal of information you want to keep private.
If you are a suspect in a criminal investigation, detectives will Google you, check your Facebook account, and any other service you use. If you’re a crook, please do the right thing and turn yourself in. Do not use Facebook to taunt the cops. (Craig Lynch escaped from prison and used his Facebook account to taunt law enforcement.)
I realize the ‘duh factor’ is really high in this section but please bear with me. These recommendations stem from the real life mistakes of others. Next we’ll look at good ways to help protect ourselves.
Read the Terms of Use. I know, they’re dry and boring and you’ve been skipping them for years without any trouble. The good news is, Facebook updated them several months ago and the new version includes much improved readability. They’re at the bottom of the page, on the right. Click the link labeled ‘Terms.’
Use your security settings to maintain separation between your personal and professional lives. You may even want to maintain different accounts for this. Hiring managers, no matter their personal feelings, are often prudes in the office. Your innocent beach trip photos may be too racy for them and they have lots of applicants to choose from.
Be careful with your humor. Some managers can take a joke, others can’t. Once, in a company email, I referred to a batch of recently laid-off employees as “the dearly departed.” To me it was just a joke but I offended the V.P. of [redacted]. (Guilty conscience, perhaps?) The result: a lecture from my manager and a friendly warning in my file. It was a small infraction and carried a small penalty. Had I purposely set out to hurt someone, it would have been worse. Which leads me to my next point.
Don’t engage in online vendettas. Libel and defamation lawsuits are an expensive nuisance at best. At worst, you may run afoul of prosecutors looking for new ways to apply existing libel laws in our changing world. More likely, Facebook may use articles 3 and 5 in Terms to justify suspension or even permanent deactivation of your account. The old advice, probably inscribed in some stone tablet somewhere, is more valuable than ever, ‘If you want to keep a secret, don’t put it in writing.’
The Legal Risk Blog has additional points. Please don’t be intimidated by the name, it is well-written and easy to read.
What we say can get us into trouble but where we say creative things has implications too.
Facebook maintains the right, in Terms of Use, article 2, to use—and sub-license—any intellectual property you post to your account. Contrary to the panicked chain letters, you still own your copyrights—Facebook isn’t trying steal from us—but should you have an opportunity to sell exclusive rights to one of your creations, having it on Facebook could complicate matters.
Facebook’s current Terms of Use document is clearly worded and—compared to Terms I’ve seen posted by other companies—mercifully short. However, the marketplace is always changing and Facebook’s legal needs will change with it. This makes the Terms a ‘moving target’ which poses an undefinable, but hopefully small, risk to users.
With a bit of extra work, there is a solution. Content posted to your own site is yours—copyright issues are simplified and you have better over-all control of your property. You can still share your latest creation on Facebook by posting the link.
Maintaining a personal blog or other web presence is easy. Many of these platforms are free and the rest are cheap.
Practically everything we do exposes us to some sort of risk and Facebook is no exception. With common sense and a bit of education we can tap the positive aspects of social media to gain far more than we lose.
School is too serious. This will fix it. For a while 
Those are cheese wheels he's pressing...
Moammar Gadhafi is gone. Hope Libya finds a better replacement.
This is my design proposal for the homepage of a mythical company called Sky. We drew a genre from a “hat”–mine was handmade toys.
Good or bad, everything you see is my work.
Rest in Peace, Dennis Ritchie. (September 9, 1941 – October 8, 2011) You left the world a better place.
In class we’re discussing Electronic Literature and I find myself experiencing an old frustration. I view expression–we often boil the various methods down to art, language, and music–as methods of communication. Academic writing tends to obscure ideas behind cumbersome language. eLit suffers from a related ailment: namely, as artists experiment with various techniques, they obscure the message. I think about this subject through a window metaphor.
You live in one room (your experiences) and I live in the next. We are separated by a wall (our inability to understand each other) and communicate through a window (expression.) The window’s purpose is to share something of our lives with each other.
Artists, almost inevitably, monkey with the window. We shade the glass, decorate it with curtains, and all manner of other things. Done well, this can be pleasant and sometimes, our goal is not to communicate flawlessly, but to add value to the message by forcing our audience to work for it.
I have one request for the world at large: Be creative and spontaneous. Try new things. But while you’re doing that, please make a good-faith effort not to smear poop on the window.
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